Margo’s exercise for this week is a poem combining elements of eating and weather, and doing it in third person. I still struggle with doing effective third person. I tend to switch back and forth to the omniscient narrator and overuse pronouns (he/him/his in this case). Still, a poem is written, which is better than not.
We all recognize him — tips well,
never rude or demanding, nothing
complicated in his order — when he
comes in, by himself late in the afternoon.
He sits at a table facing the sea
and takes his time ordering. The food
may be different — today it is oysters —
but he always drinks red wine.
The surf holds his attention, and I
often notice him following the
progress of the beach walkers as they
fill the void between land and waves.
It is rare for him to have more
than two drinks, always saving
the last swallow for a toast
to the sunset before he leaves.
Today, there is no sun,
and the storms in his eyes
are a perfect match to those
on the horizon.
Awakened Words 
I like the progression and I like your speaker. This is good enough I want to ask if you can live without ‘perfect’ in the last stanza 😀
of course. internal discussion was had and indecision ensued…it was late. 🙂 quite a bit will probably go away in a rewrite, it is much wordier than intended. A result of trying to force quatrains throughout.
mmm… but I do like how it feels… consider stanzas but, irregular ones, with lines that break naturally, so are probably of different lengths.
i agree, that is my norm and what I am most comfortable with…just thought i would try and impose a bit of structure on this one.
You mean a more classical structure ;-). If you like it, then keep playing within this form. My go to classic structure is three line stanzas. Some day I really must try a villanelle.
eww, villanelle…I keep avoiding that one too…repeated lines AND rhyming…I do well enough to get through a triolet
I was going to ignore the rhyming part ;-D
🙂 good plan
uh oh. I do believe a gauntlet has been thrown down (or at least a playful jab) see Viv’s comment. 😉
heh heh heh! She’s good at that. I’m carrying around a gauntlet that says I will write a sonnet.
Truly, a villanelle is nothing to be frightened of. I mark the page in advance with the format, repeats and rhyming lines, and then plunge in. You could both do it standing on your heads! But this third person poem I like just as it is, even down to ‘perfect’.
BTW about two years ago, Margo promised me a sonnet. I still haven’t seen it!