The Attitude of Observation
Days of winter rain
have dampened
earth mood
energy motivation.
The dwarf maple stands
branches bent
in a pool of
discarded
foliage.
Rain clings to every
barren limb
shimmering stand-ins for
each cast off decoration.
Arrogant ravens claim the
air,
ignore the rain
in their
scavenging.
No omen do I perceive –
but a refusal to be
deterred,
as if they still
gather for Ellijay.
Night brings a
forced quiet
of weighted fog
interspersed with
muted musical
droplets
falling
among
veiled
trees.
Process Notes (which i do not normally do): an experiment, trying to control mood and flow with structure and spacing with minimal punctuation. Centering it was the only way I could come close to the formatting I was trying to accomplish; and it still will not give me the spacing I wanted between stanzas. Also trying for something close to Imagism as a style. Let me know if it works!
Awakened Words 
This looks so cool. Now I’ll read it.
m
You might start writing process notes for the poems where you consciously work on crafting. I’m trying to train myself to do it, because it forces me to understand what I am doing and why. If we can’t figure out why we are using a certain word, then the word probably can go. The same for a type of structure, or a form, as form should go hand in hand with content.
I love the helix shape.
m
imagism was the first what i was thinking…the close observations…the ravens..i like the structure…gives the poem much space to breathe and the reader air for adding the own thoughts..
I like that, Claudia, the image of the poem breathing, which adds a dimension of life, along with the helix.
margo
I’m a sucker for poems that play with form.
So yeah, I love this. Strong, vivid images as well.
Great work here.
I first read the poem in my email notification, which mucked up the layout completely, so that I was amazed at the success of the form, on arriving here. As for the poem in words, the atmosphere is overwhelming, relating as it does to my mood recently. Your imagery (imagism?) is wonderful, too many great ones to single out one. What is Ellijay?
Thank you, Viv. Seems like you are getting a lot of the same weather pattern we have been getting; lots of wet.
Margo and I discussed that I would lose people with the Elijay reference. He is from the Old Testament, a prophet sent to hide in the wilderness. God then assigns the ravens to provide him with food. Meant to offset the perceived arrogance with the sense of purpose.
I like this quite a lot, Mark. Feels like falling rain. The Elijah reference is nice…love the last line.
i love the dramatic effect the spacing brings and just want to mention that the form in the beginning looks so closely to that of the infinity symbol! It worked so well with the thoughts behind the words. NICEEEEE work!!!! 🙂
my latest
http://magicinthebackyard.wordpress.com/2012/01/30/death-to-a-salesman/
I find this very strong – I liked the imagery at the end especially.
This has a comfortable weight to it- each space is as much a word as it is the absence of word, if that makes sense.
Your word choices are excellent, as well. Shimmering, veiled, arrogant ravens!, discarded foliage (that phrase alone conjures a slew of images and thoughts)… I really enjoyed this.
This is very cool Mark – I like the image of the poem esp as I play with shape and the uses of space from time to time also; it’s effective here, I think. Sometimes I find the white space around words and/or lines says as much as the words themselves – maybe esp when you’re doing a piece like this about a man like this who’s almost exiled … it’s interesting, gives the reader time to ponder …
i like the shape of this, and how you are forced to read this in a certain way
ha nice…the breathing poem again…enjoyed the re-read mark
:-), but not posted to dVerse before….I don’t think….
I liked it a bunch–And I think you were successful–
I like the form and it fits well with your droplets falling ~
http://a-sweetlust.blogspot.com/2012/01/honour.html
dude…the concrete art od your words accentuates your words…a delight to read and to look at…