Positive Mental Attitude

The Attitude of Observation

Days of winter           rain

        have       dampened

earth               mood

            energy                                    motivation.

The dwarf maple stands

branches        bent

in a pool of

                        discarded

             foliage.

Rain clings to every

barren                                    limb

      shimmering    stand-ins   for

each     cast      off      decoration.

Arrogant ravens claim the

            air,

ignore the rain

in their

                                                scavenging.

No omen do I perceive –

but a refusal to be

                        deterred,

as if they still

            gather                         for       Ellijay.

Night brings a

            forced             quiet

of         weighted        fog

interspersed with

muted             musical

droplets

            falling

                        among

veiled

                                  trees.

Process Notes (which i do not normally do): an experiment, trying to control mood and flow with structure and spacing with minimal punctuation. Centering it was the only way I could come close to the formatting I was trying to accomplish; and it still will not give me the spacing I wanted between stanzas. Also trying for something close to Imagism as a style. Let me know if it works!

Posted to dVerse poets open link night.

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18 Comments

Filed under Poetry

18 responses to “Positive Mental Attitude

  1. This looks so cool. Now I’ll read it.
    m

  2. You might start writing process notes for the poems where you consciously work on crafting. I’m trying to train myself to do it, because it forces me to understand what I am doing and why. If we can’t figure out why we are using a certain word, then the word probably can go. The same for a type of structure, or a form, as form should go hand in hand with content.

    I love the helix shape.

    m

  3. imagism was the first what i was thinking…the close observations…the ravens..i like the structure…gives the poem much space to breathe and the reader air for adding the own thoughts..

  4. I’m a sucker for poems that play with form.

    So yeah, I love this. Strong, vivid images as well.

    Great work here.

  5. I first read the poem in my email notification, which mucked up the layout completely, so that I was amazed at the success of the form, on arriving here. As for the poem in words, the atmosphere is overwhelming, relating as it does to my mood recently. Your imagery (imagism?) is wonderful, too many great ones to single out one. What is Ellijay?

    • Thank you, Viv. Seems like you are getting a lot of the same weather pattern we have been getting; lots of wet.
      Margo and I discussed that I would lose people with the Elijay reference. He is from the Old Testament, a prophet sent to hide in the wilderness. God then assigns the ravens to provide him with food. Meant to offset the perceived arrogance with the sense of purpose.

  6. I like this quite a lot, Mark. Feels like falling rain. The Elijah reference is nice…love the last line.

  7. i love the dramatic effect the spacing brings and just want to mention that the form in the beginning looks so closely to that of the infinity symbol! It worked so well with the thoughts behind the words. NICEEEEE work!!!! 🙂

    my latest
    http://magicinthebackyard.wordpress.com/2012/01/30/death-to-a-salesman/

  8. I find this very strong – I liked the imagery at the end especially.

  9. This has a comfortable weight to it- each space is as much a word as it is the absence of word, if that makes sense.
    Your word choices are excellent, as well. Shimmering, veiled, arrogant ravens!, discarded foliage (that phrase alone conjures a slew of images and thoughts)… I really enjoyed this.

  10. This is very cool Mark – I like the image of the poem esp as I play with shape and the uses of space from time to time also; it’s effective here, I think. Sometimes I find the white space around words and/or lines says as much as the words themselves – maybe esp when you’re doing a piece like this about a man like this who’s almost exiled … it’s interesting, gives the reader time to ponder …

  11. i like the shape of this, and how you are forced to read this in a certain way

  12. ha nice…the breathing poem again…enjoyed the re-read mark

  13. I liked it a bunch–And I think you were successful–

  14. I like the form and it fits well with your droplets falling ~

    http://a-sweetlust.blogspot.com/2012/01/honour.html

  15. dude…the concrete art od your words accentuates your words…a delight to read and to look at…

Some of what I write is true, some is fiction; most is merely possibility.

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