last night

last night
the clouds refused
to allow the moon’s glow;
spiteful and wicked were the clouds
last night.

last night
the shadows grieved
for their hidden matron;
lost and hopeless were the shadows
last night.

last night
hunters were still,
unsure of where to lurk;
silent and fearful were hunters
last night.

last night
the timid prey
ventured forth in the dark,
hunters having no where to hide
last night.

last night
she fled from me,
leaving naught but a note,
knowing I would not notice till
morning.

.

Cloudy Moon

Cloudy Moon (Photo credit: jbelluch)

an experiment in form,
yes, I know, I  do not generally
do “form”, but that is what the 
lady asked for in her prompt.
This one a chain cinquain which
is perhaps a bit overdone on the ‘chain’ part.

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15 Comments

Filed under Poetry, Poetry - Prompts

15 responses to “last night

  1. Gay

    Like the tie and the ominous overtones..very gothic and romantic. Cool use of the tied cinquain.

  2. that one gave me shivers mark….the repetition adds to the eerie feel

  3. mmm…loss felt…nice build in this as well mark to her leaving amid the prey and the hunters…and you left to find out in the morning….interesting form…the rep of last night all the way up to the end and the shift to morning is pretty cool…

  4. But, I like it. You have to [HAVE TO] admit it adds a whole dimension to have the form. Maybe once every three or four months, or when this pesky lady suggests it might work well with whatever she’s selling, you might try form, right? Good.

    • it does add, and some I work better with than others. Most of the time I feel the form is forced and the content suffers (especially anything with a rhyme scheme). Having them compliment is still my struggle.

      • Have you noticed none of my poems rhyme? None. Having a form compliment is everyone’s problem, I suspect. Usually what I am writing says, Yo! I want to be a pantoum: make it so. And, I listen.

        Setting out to write in a form is a bigger problem because what happens if we don’t choose the right topic? I do think shorter forms work better for that kind of thing and when someone is so clever as to chain the form… well!

      • careful, that is like 3 ‘clever’s in a little over a week. could run into ego inflation problems. 🙂

      • hmmm — I’ll back off 🙂

  5. This gives me the feel of walking late at night at 3AM when everyone is sleeping feeling the nightmares and the good dreams to of everyone in my timezone. The light can be found in night too if one walks long enough! the creatures of the woods lose their pull. Thank you so much for your words taking me to this place again! Love!

  6. LOVE this! Has a great eerie feel that is really cool.

  7. You tell the story so perfectly, hooking me and leading me through, that I never say the form until I saw your comment. then I am just stunned reading back through noticing the craft, every syllable in place.

  8. Mark, I think the linked cinquains have a very nice effect here.. The repetition works well also.

    Pamela

  9. Effective and soulful work, Mark – the structure is imperceptible -which shows how good it is… With Best Wishes Scott http://www.scotthastie.com

  10. That beautiful repetitive pattern rendered your poem rhythmical and playful. It was a joy to read. Many thanks.

    Greetings from London.

Some of what I write is true, some is fiction; most is merely possibility.

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