Saturday Night on Main Street

The couple stroll down the revitalized
sidewalk, remembering when the mortar
was fresh between the fading bricks,

A locomotive blares its warning
to the shoppers, mid-life motorcycles
argue against the rumbled passage,

Eight groomsmen gather in the wake
of the train for photographs, cheeks red,
but too young to be cold.

She smiles at the young men in tuxedos
and the grey ones in leather, pulls her scarf,
and his arm, close against the March snow.

Advertisements

6 Comments

Filed under Poetry

6 responses to “Saturday Night on Main Street

  1. Second stanza is my favorite it really brings the piece to life.

  2. I love the lines… “too young to be cold,” and “mid-life motorcycles
    argue against the rumbled passage” … so much is packed into these words… each time I read this I can feel stories and lives opening… this poem is truly alive… a living breathing organism…. well done.

  3. argue against the rumbled passage – Great line and for me gives that picture a real feel. I liked this well done

  4. Mark, for some reason the ‘like’ button isn’t working here or for that matter anywhere on wordpress, but this is the first I’ve used it this morning. Your poem is a great example ofhow you write–obviously-well there is method to my madness. What makes this poem work for me is only the last two stanzas. Together they are a poem you can be very good at writing. But if you look at the first two stanzas, they say nothing poetic. The lanbguage is flat, fllacid and using a word like ‘revitalized sidewalk’ is about as poetic as shampooing a carpet. Look at the difference beytween those first two as opposed to the last two stanzas–night and day. Some poets and writers IU know begin writing and (each day) and have to write simply to warm up then take all the stuff they wrote at the start, look it over and trash it and go on with the rest. When you reread outloud what you have written you will get a good sense of how the reader will read it. Ask yourself if I were reading this would I?-Fiurst two stanzas-N0. Second two stanzas–YES! In those two you have created a world the reader becomes interested in knowing. Yeah, I’m an ass hole because I tell people basically what I thimnk when it comes to poetry. ?But I see so mamny opportunities wasted on not paying attention or because people think ‘I’ve written this so it must be a poem” Study your stanzas you will see what I mean I hope. If not I will never opern my mouth about your work again.In all sincerety, >KB

    • I always appreciate your comments, and usually agree with them. Remember that what I post is usually the first thing I write — very little revising or editing — so I am not likely to get offended by criticism. If it is in response to a prompt, even less so, because I am trying to make something fit another’s mold or fit in a particular word or 12. Prompts may get the creative juices flowing, but can limit creativity. So, tell it how it is, my ego is not fragile.

  5. very vivid and i like that you have played with time

Some of what I write is true, some is fiction; most is merely possibility.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s