They scotched themselves into
the corner booth — the inventor
of histories and the amateur
lover — where theories were
exchanged concerning
the quality of ingredients
making up the flavor
of their lives.
The results were…
inconclusive,
but several viable
hypotheses were
explored.
Oh wow, Mark. I love this so much! These are really good descriptions:
“They scotched themselves into the corner booth”
“the inventor of histories and the amateur lover”
“several viable hypotheses were explored”
I love that you didn’t tell us the story. You just gave us enough “ingredients” so that we can make up our own. Excellent.
I love the exploration here. Well done.
Excellent work Mark. Please don’t thonk this forward of me and it is not a criticism as it were, but I cannot help thinking that there is so much more poem in the block of stone you’ve chisled out so well. I say that because I see so many people write an excellent first image or lines of a brilliant idea and then stopr. It is easy to stop and be satisfied with what you have done, but good and great poems are not quickly and easily made, they are wrought by angst and thought and most importantly vision. I hope I have not overstepped my bounds. Whatever you do this is still a fine piece of work.
Did you know that when poets attempt to fly by stepping over the edge, that even if they fall they just put out their arms and glide safely to the ground. Of ourse, if the don’t fail the learn to fly. Best>KB
no overstepping at all. I am always open to feedback. I do agree, this could go much further. It was actually form a word list I was given, so I did kind of ‘finish’ when i ran out of words. There is much to consider with where this started and led.
Most of what I post is a very early draft, so never be concerned about offending. My ego is not fragile. Thank you for the input.
Ditto for me>KB
As so often happens with your work, I want more
Oh this is so clever. Loved it!
Love the image of being scotched into that corner booth…great wrangling of Shawna’s last set of words!! I had fun with those as well…something about random word clusters allows for thoughts that might not otherwise have been there! 🙂
Loved the mystery of this unfinished story. And so many phrases grabbed me. Great writing.
i love this. straight to my heart (and belly).
Guess you never know till you try…
Pure enjoyment! Was grabbed from the opening line and enchanted throughout with the wonderful imagery and words.
Personally I adore this piece just as it is. The throwaway ending seems to me whimsical and humorous. And I always love understatement; also a bit of mystery (when it is not mere obscurity). I didn’t know about the word list and it didn’t matter; whatever got you here is good, and basically you got you here.
Did I mention that I just adore this piece?
And yes, re-reading, I see you could take it further if you wanted to, and it would surely still be excellent.