Mistakes

Once, she could feel

GrandGranyon-sunset

her buttercream
skin sizzle beneath
his steel gaze,

would tremble as his
fingers lingered on the knots
of her auburn braid,

excited anticipation
of his unshaven face
pressed against her neck.

He now caresses
a flask of whiskey —
cold in his hands,
hot in his throat —
instead of smooth skin,

sings softly along with
Desperado
as he watches the sunset
beyond the canyon,

the flash of her smile visible
behind his cloudy eyes
as the whisper of her sigh
sings with the wind.

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18 Comments

Filed under Poetry, Poetry - Prompts

18 responses to “Mistakes

  1. Very sad mistakes. I love the last two lines.Unshaven lips struck me as being rather strange – do men ever grow hair on their lips?

  2. I LOVE those first three stanzas. Very spicy. I’m not thrilled with the last three, for obvious reasons. 🙂

    This is my absolute favorite part. “Buttercream skin” is lovely.
    “her buttercream
    skin sizzle beneath
    his steel gaze”

    I think your opening line is probably the strongest: “Once, she could feel” … It was smart to set it apart on a line of its own. You’ve made it clear that when he loved her, she could feel everything, and very deeply. But now she feels nothing. That’s the only way she can protect herself.

  3. Nicely done, love that you added Desperado as the song.

  4. There is such longing in this last line, it literally makes my heart ache:
    “as the whisper of her sigh
    sings with the wind.”

  5. ugh…so sad… think it’s one of the hardest things to actually loose the one you love while he’s still there…you just can’t reach him anymore…my father used to drink..so def. a felt write..

  6. nice…i like the contrast of buttercream and steel in that one stanza…and desperado while a pretty cool song is not a way of life for many…makes me wonder at what happened…i like the sigh on the wind…makes me think old western…

  7. poemsofhateandhope

    Mark- love how this is a Poem of two halves- first the nostalgic and then the mistake- ad soon as I got to the parts about the whiskey I got ‘that’ feeling….so sad that such beautiful moments could be squandered like that…but then we all have our demons- I guess some are just too strong

  8. This is incredibly beautiful.

  9. shewritesherenow

    This is achingly beautiful.

  10. This made my eyes water. You definitely captured a deep sense of aching loss. And that buttercream stanza is my favorite.

  11. Sadly beautiful. You are a romantic person, at least in your poems.

  12. Great photo accompanied with shimmering words. Lost love…beautifully sad.

Some of what I write is true, some is fiction; most is merely possibility.

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