Friday

It was Tuesday when he emerged.
“Is it Friday yet?” he would ask.

Bitter bile bites at his throat,
bitter images haunt his thoughts.

He waited, at least ’till Thursday,
answered ego’s requirement to earn,
but Friday was a goal too far.

I watched him build up and fall apart
like sand castles on the shore.

It was bad when it rained
because memories collect in puddles,
it was worse when they dried.

“Is it Friday Yet?”

Bitter images haunt his thoughts
and catch with the bile in his throat,
because pain is swallowed when
it cannot be spoken.

“Is it Friday yet?”

My brother, my friend, if only my breaking
heart were enough to heal yours.

Puddle

Puddle (Photo credit: Flower Ring)

 

 

 

 

 

 

For Margo’s Tuesday Tryout ‘acrostic’ prompt. This one is a a sentence acrostic. Actually it is a poem acrostic, or at least a partial one. The first word of each line is taken from In The Desert by Stephen Crane. The first poem to get me interested in reading and writing the stuff. 🙂 I tried to adhere a bit to his style as well.

Advertisements

35 Comments

Filed under Poetry, Poetry - Prompts

35 responses to “Friday

  1. I think you can feel good about the style. I love Crane’s line. The bitterness of his line and your poem can be felt. I felt as if I were standing with the speaker as he spoke. Love this stanza,
    It was bad when it rained
    because memories collect in puddles,
    it was worse when they dried.
    I just reread. The poem feels even sadder.

  2. Wow, this piece is awesome!
    Do you recognize just how good a writer you are?

  3. Oh, those last two lines. I think I might have to steal that for my “I wish I’d said that” page.

    Nice work on the form! I haven’t tried the sentence version or the double, just the “simple” one.

  4. I missed out on the acrostic prompt, but yours is brilliant. I don’t know whether this is a true story, but the point is well taken. Ayn Rand was full of it: We are our brothers’ (and sisters’) keepers, to the bone and no matter what. Thanks, Mark. Peace, Amy
    http://sharplittlepencil.com/2012/07/18/life-without-limits-sun-scribs-3ww/

  5. Exemplary job, Mark. I totally love it.

  6. This is fantastic!!! I’m so glad you pointed out the first-word acrostic quote. I would never have noticed it:

    It is bitter—bitter,” he answered; “But I like it Because it is bitter, And because it is my heart.”

    I’m happy you mentioned his name, reminding me I wanted to look him up when you recommended him before.

    Great imagery/simile here: “I watched him build up and fall apart
    like sand castles on the shore.”

    This is thought-provoking as well: “It was bad when it rained
    because memories collect in puddles, it was worse when they dried.”

    Beautiful: “because pain is swallowed when
    it cannot be spoken”

    I like that you went from lowercased to capitalized to lowercased in “Is it Friday yet?” It’s as if he loses it momentarily (screaming) and then regains a bit of control when he swallows his pain.

    I’m so sorry if this is about your real brother (or a real friend). The ending is just right.

  7. A very deep poem Mark. Brilliant.

  8. Loved the imagery you cast in your contrasting puddles. I hadn’t thought of doing an acrostic this way. I’ll have to try.

  9. I didnt get the form but loved the poem. especially the line about memory collecting in puddles. very sensitive account.

  10. I really liked the lines –It was bad when it rained/because memories collect in puddles, it was worse when they dried, and how pain is swallowed when it cannot be spoken. Well done.

  11. I too really enjoyed the notion of memory collecting in puddles… and what happens when they dry up. A very thought provoking read. Thank you 🙂

  12. This is so poignant and touching. Especially moving are the last two lines.

  13. What Flipside said. I agree.
    I love your poem.
    I had a stereotype about what is behind the “Is it Friday, yet?” attitude, and this takes me under and around that with a brother’s insight:
    “I watched him build up and fall apart
    like sand castles on the shore.”
    You may have gotten your “B”s and “bittter”s and “bile”s from Stephen Crane, but they are very effectively repeated here even without that knowledge. Your last two lines blew my mind!

  14. Very enjoyable. You gave us a great read.

  15. ooooh, very nice. lovely surprise, the quote from Stephen Crane. thank you.

  16. A wonderful write…Friday is his hope but pain unresolved will only follow him there.

  17. Interesting is what I will say, enjoyed teh write then enjoyed some more when reading the notes

  18. The first time I read this, I didn’t find the accrostic. But even without that, it is an exceptional poem which tugs at the emotions.

  19. really like the last two lines mark…friday carries so much hope but often the time slips way too quick til monday…i need to look up how the sentence acrostic works…obviously much different than a normal one…

  20. How sad to wish your life away, at least your working week anyway.The last two lines are very touching.

  21. Gay

    What an interesting acrostic use. I like the way you weave the short S. Crane poem into this one. It has multiple meanings, and hints at various explications. Well done!

  22. first i thought it’s just about the weekend…but the further i read the more i thought it must be more..esp. loved…I watched him build up and fall apart
    like sand castles on the shore

  23. Mark, I love the fourth stanza most of all. It’s striking and brilliant imagery. All can related to sand castles being built and then breaking down. That couplet alone has a thousand message/interpretation to it. A marvelous write my friend. I will do my best to keep up with your poetry.

  24. I love the comparison of the sand and memories.

  25. Damn this is good…. I got the bitterness before I read the comments… which is always a good thing in my book. Make me feel, man 🙂 Great job!

  26. wonderful job, a very interesting form. love the ending, but especially love the rain stanza, worse when they dried, yes.

  27. Nicely done. The imagery here is fabulous:
    “I watched him build up and fall apart
    like sand castles on the shore.

    It was bad when it rained
    because memories collect in puddles,
    it was worse when they dried.”

  28. “Bitter images haunt his thoughts
    and catch with the bile in his throat,
    because pain is swallowed when
    it cannot be spoken.”

    It is so hard to stand by and watch the ones we love suffer, just wanting to make their pain our own and give them peace. You have captured that so well here. A beautiful and thoughtful piece.

  29. i am glad he has his brother. and friday does come. scarily fast sometimes.
    but i can relate to the feeling.

  30. Like many others, I didn’t spot the use of Crane’s poem until you piointed it out. Not knowing didn’t spoil my enjoyment of your writing at all. This is very, very good.

  31. So many live for Friday nights!

    Love the final line, in particular. If only!

Some of what I write is true, some is fiction; most is merely possibility.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s