Waiting

Heat seeps from the street, shade a memory,
hat empty as indifferent crowds file past.
Picking crumbling concrete from the walk,
he sits alone, waiting to catch a dream.

A corner cafe table for two,
only one cup, tepid and ignored,
remembering whispered promises as
she sits alone, waiting to catch a dream.

Visitors did not come often enough
to her fourth floor lonely hospital room;
lost in a tangle of tubes and pain as
she sits alone, waiting to catch a dream.

He waits patiently for the train, watching
crowds of travelers focused on their haste,
wonders about their motivation as
he sits alone, waiting to catch a dream.

Home was supposed to be a refuge,
a place of freedom, love and comfort;
it was her prison. Afraid to venture out
she sits alone, waiting to catch a dream.

This spot of riverbank was their favorite,
a place to be together while the world
passed by. She now a fading memory,
he sits alone, waiting to catch a dream.

SheffieldFayre 121

SheffieldFayre 121 (Photo credit: incurable_hippie)

Process Notes: Margo Roby asked for a Kyrielle for her Tuesday Tryout prompt. After a further reading of her notes and some counterpoint discussions, I am pretty sure this is NOT one.  So we will call it a working model of a work in progress. I have been in a ‘snapshot’ kind of mood lately; forming unrelated pictures in each stanza that follow a general theme. This one does seem to need a final stanza to tie them all together somehow. but it has not come to me yet….. 

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9 Comments

Filed under Poetry, Poetry - Prompts

9 responses to “Waiting

  1. I like this, but I wonder why you think it’s not a Kyrielle?

    • Thank you, and not sure. after reading back through the conversations (Margo/Viv/Joseph) I am not sure what I hit on. no rhyming (optional, thank God), counted syllables (for the most part), tetrameter(?)(Not a clue), so, just not sure. 🙂

      But it was a good challenging exercise!

      • The lack of rhyme is the only difference between yours and a classic kyrielle, and – as you say – rhyme is not obligatory. Your alternating refrain is very effective, and makes me want to know more. Tetrameter: – 4 feet or stresses to a line, in the case of the Kyrielle, this is traditionally 4 iambs (de-da) to a line.

  2. It’s a beautiful poem, Mark.

  3. Angela

    I don’t really mind what it is, Mark; it’s just a beautiful piece of poetry :-).

  4. I like what came from the exercise, even if it doesn’t read as rhythmically as the examples I read of kyrielles. I like this poem and what you have done with the refrain. Because of the separate vignettes, I think the refrain works more strongly. This is one of those poems that pays to reread a few times.

    I agree with you about a final stanza. If you keep on with third person it’s hard to round off. How about if you make the last stanza first person, so the final line becomes ‘I sit alone, waiting to catch a dream’.

    • The rhythm was the part I was most at odds with. The only thing I am worse at than rhyming is metre. Tried to make up for it a little with other sound.

      Good idea making the last stanza 1st person, Would help to close it.

  5. The more I study form, the more I find myself using it as a guide; robbing bits and pieces from each to craft my own sense of poetic style. I believe (at least hope) that new interpretations both classic and new poetic form will be the force that keeps poetry fresh, and ever changing.

    BTW – I loved your submission.

Some of what I write is true, some is fiction; most is merely possibility.

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