Picking up my Daughter at the Atlanta Airport

I focus on the humanity
spilling off the escalator
like a reversed waterfall.
Shouted orders and expresso
machine racket distracts,
along with the pungent lattes.
The pianist in the bar attempts to mangle
songs with enough volume to be
heard over patrons and highballs.
The sterility of abundant fluorescents
and white walls is displaced by the
press of people, overflowing garbage
cans and dingy floors —
her auburn hair singles her out,
more woman than girl now.
She has been gone too long,
I have missed so much.

Margo Roby’s challenge this week was to create a sense of place with a corresponding epiphany in the style of James Wright’s “Lying in a Hammock…”. Lets see if I am even in the same sport, much less ‘in the ballpark.’

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10 Comments

Filed under Haiku, Poetry, Poetry - Prompts

10 responses to “Picking up my Daughter at the Atlanta Airport

  1. Yeh, you’re in the sport 🙂
    Question:
    The sterility of abundant fluorescents
    and white walls is displaced by the
    press of people, overflowing garbage
    cans and dingy floors
    In these lines, what do you want to have the stronger focus, the part displaced, or the part displacing?
    I like the reverse waterfall image. Clever.

    • ah — focus on the latter, so reverse the order?

      The press of people, overflowing
      garbage cans and dingy floors prevails
      over the attempted sterility of
      abundant fluorescents and white walls.

      ??

      • You’re good. But I would still use displace. Displace is a stronger verb. Notice how much clearer the auburn is now that it’s against the white walls. Also, note that using active instead of passive makes what is happening stronger [which is not to say passive doesn’t have a place in writing, but not much of one].

      • Got it and agree.

        Picking up my Daughter at the Atlanta Airport

        I focus on the humanity
        spilling off the escalator
        like a reversed waterfall.
        Shouted orders and expresso
        machine racket distracts,
        along with the pungent lattes.
        The pianist in the bar attempts to mangle
        songs with enough volume to be
        heard over patrons and highballs.
        The press of people, overflowing
        garbage cans and dingy floors displaces
        the attempted sterility of
        abundant fluorescents and white walls —
        her auburn hair singles her out,
        more woman than girl now.
        She has been gone too long,
        I have missed so much.

        ??delete 1st ‘her’ in 4th line from end?

  2. Mark, I like this and Margo’s suggestion makes it all the more vibrant. Nice piece. of writing.

    Pamela

  3. Yes. Her is out. How about ‘attempted’ in the fifth line from the bottom? Does the place look sterile?

  4. The scene is perfectly described. Airports always seem to inspire me to write poetry.

  5. Wonderful! I love it…

Some of what I write is true, some is fiction; most is merely possibility.

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