The Park

An experiment: the piece is in response to a photo from Margo Roby’s Tuesday Tryouts. I recently did a flash fiction piece that was nothing but dialogue. This photo inspired the same idea. So, the question is – Is it poetry?

We used to bring you here
when you were little.

I remember. We would walk
around the pond and argue about
which ducks were prettier. I
think you said black just to
aggravate me. Grandma would
always wait for us on that bench.

Yes. Even then she had trouble
walking very far. She loved
being outdoors though, especially on
days like this; the colors of the leaves,
sun shining, a chill in the air, but
not quite cold….

We would collect leaves for her, then
press them into albums at home.

Used to bring her here later, too.
After you went to school.
I think she liked the fresh air.
Still have those albums.
Would you like them?

Yes, someday, but no rush.

I seem to remember you would pull
me all around this place. Never let go,
thought you would pull my shoulder out.

Still not going to let go. Never to old
to hold your hand. We should head
back Papaw. They are waiting on us
to have lunch.

They can wait a little longer. No one
in this family has starved to death yet.

True, but we can’t have them thinking
us rude, talking behind our backs.

Hrmph. Never cared much for the
gossipers.

I know, you always were above that.
We will come back; later today and maybe
next week if it is nice. We can bring some
bread for the ducks.

Only the black ones, not going to feed
those white ones.

I like the white ones.

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10 Comments

Filed under Flash Fiction, Poetry, Poetry - Prompts

10 responses to “The Park

  1. My question is, How is it not a poem? Hmmm? And it’s pretty tight. Come back to it in a week with revision in mind and see what happens. This will be fun to play with because it’s so complete in its content and presentation, that you can chip, flake, and polish. One thing to try: Do a word count and try and cut 10%.

    Challenge? Me?

    • Challenge is good; and its not like I expected you to say ‘its good, leave it alone.’ 🙂

      It is interesting how just changes in punctuation and line breaks can change how you look at a piece. If I had done it like this one -http://wp.me/p1ZKiY-9y – (second piece in post) it would not be in the realm of poetry. Would have been totally different.

      • I agree, although the prose poemers might argue differently. I still haven’t nailed what is, or isn’t, a prose poem, satisfactorily.

        If you want to play, do a found poem on your flash fiction. It would/might be an interesting exercise to see what decisions you would have to make to turn it into a poem and how the end result is similar to, or different from, the prose fiction.

      • Clearly defining the prose poem has eluded me. I have tried a couple – I think, not sure if they are or if they ain’t. I can see you avoiding it; it seems to lend itself to highly descriptive, adjective laden pieces.

        Converting the flash piece could be interesting; not sure how I would tell that in poem….

      • I have wanted to do the prose poem as a form for one of my Thursday posts. I may still get to it, if for nothing else, to work my way through current thinking on it.

        Print a copy of the fiction piece double spaced. With a pen or pencil, go through and circle or underline the words and phrases you like. Don’t worry yet about whether what you are choosing tells the same story. Pull the words and lines out and rewrite them in the form of a poem, adding and removing as needed. Now look at the two and see whether the poem conveys what you want it to convey. It may, or may not be the same story. That’s one of the fun aspects.

  2. I like this one, Mark, but I always like the ones with the hint of a storyline running in the background.

  3. I like this, Mark. It has a very nice family feel to it. I could see the scene clearly.

    Pamela

  4. H

    It was a good story to tell. I enjoyed the poem, keep it up.

  5. Mark, I love the character and personality in your work. Always entertaining and nostalgic. Brings back so many memories for me. ♥
    missed you for free write friday this week 😦 maybe you will come play again this friday?

    my latest
    http://kellieelmore.com/2012/02/06/pillow-talk/

  6. what’s wrong with gossipers 😉

    elephant slave

Some of what I write is true, some is fiction; most is merely possibility.

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