Unspoken

A second set of words from Rosemary Mint. Thought it was going to be more upbeat than the last one, did not turn out that way.
Also posted to the Imaginary Garden, since it was compared to a St Vincent Millay piece.

 
She slowly deprived him of it,
that zest for life that once
drew them together.
 
Volatile in anger, vitriolic in her ire,
words laced with acid
to bend him to her will.
 
Docile as a lapdog he became,
their relationship, too, grew tepid,
like the humid air of August nights,
 
no longer mollified by just the sight
of her uncoiling from the divan,
dressed in lace and conciliatory smile.
 
She, content with his devoted subservience,
was astonished one morning to find him gone,
he had just left, and never said a word.
 
 
Also doing ‘double duty’ for Margo Roby’s prompt ‘The Things You Don’t Say’. Probably going to be on the dVerse open link night as well. Check out all three of them (including Rosemary Mint abaove). 
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26 Comments

Filed under Poetry, Poetry - Prompts

26 responses to “Unspoken

  1. Listen, the day you whip out a jolly poem, I’ll start worrying. You do doom-laden well. Alright, I exaggerate, dark, you do dark well.
    ‘like the humid air of August nights’ — fabulous simile for the relationship.
    You might enjoy the poem “Oh!Oh! You Will Be Sorry,” by one of my favourite poets, Edna St. Vincent Millay: http://cscs.umich.edu/~crshalizi/Poetry/Millay/Oh,oh,you_will_be_sorry_for_that_word.html
    Roles reversed but situation similar.

    margo

  2. On the whole I don’t do much gloomy because I’m no good at it! You are the opposite: you do it extremely well. The phrase “dressed in lace and a conciliatory smile” really made me smile! Now I’m off to look at your lighter verse.

  3. The older two have lovely moments, but ‘Life-changing’ is wonderful. I like that you seem unafraid to try things. That goes for the other two poems too. I still think the darker themes are your stronger poems, but they don’t have to be. Which do you prefer writing? Which do you like better once written?

    m

  4. Shawna

    Ouch!!! It sounded pretty cool until he left. LOL. Don’t tell my husband I said that. (Just kidding; he’s probably reading too.)

    I’m never successful at writing anything upbeat. And when I try, what I produce is rubbish. I’m quite impressed with your attempt, although far from a happy ending.

    Excellent tie-in between your closing and your title.

    Love your intro line: “She slowly deprived him of it” … “it” could have been anything. Great hook!

    These are more of my favorites:
    “vitriolic in her ire”
    “Docile as a lapdog”
    “uncoiling from the divan” … great use of “uncoiling”
    “dressed in lace and conciliatory smile”

    I’m so excited that you wrote a poem for each list! Thank you, Mark. 🙂

  5. words laced with acid
    to bend him to her will…ugh…no wonder he left..i would’ve too…

  6. hedgewitch

    Yes, that’s how it goes when you’ve got to have more control over someone else than you do over yourself. Sharp.

  7. Excellent write, Mark! So real and vivid. Nice one!

  8. MARK! You did awesome with Shawna’s bank! I was so not able to pull anything for it 😦 You did great! This is awesome! I love it! Did I mention that this is awesome lol! You are awesome! and NO I am NOT blowing smoke up yer arse! lol! You really are! I love reading you!

    my latest
    http://magicinthebackyard.wordpress.com/2012/01/17/we-make-love/

  9. i like docile as a lapdog…but some, especially the needy ones, are not that docile

  10. you know…at some point that would def get old…so i dont blame him at all…smiles….

  11. Fabulous sense of the end of this troubled relationship!

    @AudreyHowitt

  12. Anne Katherine

    I liked: “tepid,/ like the humid air of August nights.” The first stanza is really good.
    Creative use of the words to describe this doomed relationship. Way too much unspoken here!

  13. Yeah I’d cut and run too, sometimes there just isn’t any other path before you that makes sense.

  14. “Volatile in anger, vitriolic in her ire,
    words laced with acid”

    Ouch! Dark write, and very, very good.

  15. Mark- This really packs a punch. That would not be a fun way to live. I really like this:

    Docile as a lapdog he became,
    their relationship, too, grew tepid,
    like the humid air of August nights

  16. I like this a lot, Mark. Like you, I gravitate toward darker subjects, perhaps because of my work with death and dying. But then, we wouldn’t know light without shadow.

    There’s wisdom in this poem. Glad he split. No one should accept that kind of abuse.

  17. Wonder how could she not expect this end ..
    Sadly many of us are forced to leave so ..
    heart-felt write ..

  18. Oh, the sad outcome for the control freak, Mark. Nice strong and dark piece.

    Pamela

Some of what I write is true, some is fiction; most is merely possibility.

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