Form Practice

The from prompt this week at Poetic Bloomings was for a Rime Couee. I struggled and am still not real happy with the outcome.

Autumn Escape

Mountain stream races past flat rocks,
quiet replaces urgent clocks –
time taken to breathe life, take stock.
Fall’s fire hangs loose from trees,
forest paths and dogs wait for walks,
campfire smoke on the breeze.

 

I also tried to force it to be an Idyll for Margo Roby’s Tuesday Tryouts. Not much success there either. Oh well, practice, practice, practice.

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2 Comments

Filed under Poetry, Poetry - Prompts

2 responses to “Form Practice

  1. There’s not a lot wrong with this, Mark – a classic rime couée. Mind you, the syllable counting method makes for a slightly lumpy rhythm when read aloud.
    If you made the mountain streams race past… (ie plural), the rhythm is better, Also, the last line could do with an extra short beat eg
    campfire smoke floats on the breeze. I hope I have not offended you with my suggestions. You can always delete my comment!

  2. I like your ideas Viv; still trying to make the count work out though. Stubborn.

    Mountain streams dance past jagged rocks,
    quiet replaces urgent clocks –
    time taken to breathe life, take stock.
    Fall’s fire hangs loose from trees,
    forest paths and dogs wait for walks,
    camp smells float on the breeze.

Some of what I write is true, some is fiction; most is merely possibility.

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