Surrealism – Try, try again

Insecurity Cafe
This is her favorite place –
White tablecloths, excellent food,
Extensive wine list –
She loves to go out,
Looks fantastic,
            Inviting,
                        Tender,
                                    Sensuous.
This place makes me nervous,
Our isolated table in the forest
Accessible only to the leering
Wolf-headed waiters in
Perfectly pressed tuxedos
With impeccable manners –
A constantly circling pack.
She seems oblivious to the salacious
            Stares,
                        Glances,
                                    Salivating.
I would rather we stayed in,
Sequestered from hungry eyes
Full of lascivious intent….
But, she loves to go out,
So I smile, sip my wine, hold her hand –
Wonder how long it will be before
She succumbs to the allure of the
            Predators
                        Philanderers
                                    Lady-killers.
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5 Comments

Filed under Poetry, Poetry - Prompts

5 responses to “Surrealism – Try, try again

  1. I don’t find it all surreal, but it works very well as a love poem!

    • Thanks, Viv. I was trying to follow Margo’s advice of writing around a surreal element as opposed to making the whole thing surreal. The whole process of trying to write something surreal is becoming surreal…

  2. Heh heh heh…I pondered that second ‘if you rewrite’ for its possible effect. Listen, teacher + mom = dangerous person.
    This is interesting. I have the other poem open, and, while this one has more clarity, the other feels more racy, more ominous, the surreal not as overwhelming [?] as it might seem at first read.
    It’s not that one is better than the other, so much as they are different in mood and tone and, therefore, two different poems. I’m glad you rewrote. The poems now become part of your resource pool. You can leave them to marinate.
    I’m curious: which one do you like better?
    margo

    • Your right, they did turn out completely different. Not sure which I like better. The first was very fluid to me; viewed in several scenes if you will and much more colorful, vibrant – more energy. The second is more stark, more a snapshot. I can ‘see’ it better; a single table for two in the middle of the woods, wolf-waiters circling, mostly earth tones and black and white. It is a shame I cant even draw a decent stick figure because I can SEE it. So, I guess the question becomes; could you?
      I guess it was not really a rewrite so much as a second attempt. Thanks again for the input!

      • That’s exactly how I see your poems. I’m glad you have the words — articulate, ironically, I am not. I like that you see right down to colour. And, yes, I can see both scenes clearly. I, too, cannot even draw a stick figure.

        margo

Some of what I write is true, some is fiction; most is merely possibility.

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